White coat. Heels.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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