They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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