just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
