The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
