So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
