dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
