I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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