you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
