i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
