He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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