Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
