he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
