i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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