Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
