I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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