I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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