hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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