i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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