Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
