I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
