you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
