I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
