Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
