Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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