I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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