New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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