We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
