Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
