also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
