I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
