Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
