sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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