i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
