how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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