I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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