We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
