Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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