just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
