So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
