Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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