you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
