I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
