i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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