you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
