i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
