She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
