I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
