Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
