i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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