Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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