i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
