Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
