i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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