I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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