I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
